Once I’d received the official diagnosis, I called my husband.
I eventually called my parents. Thank goodness my parents didn’t answer the phone, because I was a bit choked up leaving a message that went something like, “I had some mammograms and biopsies done. I’ve got breast cancer, but only on one side. Check your email please.”
I ended up sending my parents and brother an email telling them about the cancer, but not much more because, well, I didn’t have a lot of information.
We told the kids.
Girlfriends
I dropped a quick note to my high school girlfriends to inform them of my diagnosis, to remind them to their monthly checks, and to get their annual mammograms. The Susan G. Komen site states that for every 8 women in the United States, 1 will be diagnosed with breast cancer. And when I did a headcount, yep, wouldn’t you know there are eight of us. Let’s hope I’m taking the hit for the high school girlfriend team, and none of them have to go through this.
Kid support
School was just underway, so I reached out to our children’s school counselors and teachers. It was a quick note along the lines of “Hope your first week back with the students is off to a great start.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer late last week. Prognosis is good. Surgery is in the future, but the actual treatment plan and rough timeline is to be determined.
I know our child may be a new student to many of you but wanted to share in case you notice anything out of the normal sorts. Please let us know if there is something we need to be aware of that is happening at school.
Please share with any other teacher/staff involved in his day as appropriate.”
As a mom, I wanted as many eyes and ears on our kids as possible, so similar notes went out to their coaches, advisers, and youth leaders. We’d sent similar notes when grandparents were ailing to let the adults in our kids’ lives know what was happening at home. We let the kids know that these adults knew, so they knew who knew and so they knew who had their back.
Shout it from the rooftops or not
I reached out to a family member with my questions about her breast cancer only to realize that she didn’t know. Which led to some momentary awkwardness as I realized if she didn’t know, then that meant my other extended family members didn’t know either. While I told my parents, I did not explicitly ask them to share or not share the news. Since this was my news to share, I realized I had a series of phone calls to make to let extended family members know what was happening. My emotions were in check, and it now felt right to have a conversation instead of sending an electronic missive.
So as you’re telling people in your circle, let them know if you do or don’t want this information public knowledge.
Friends
From here, the circles expanded and we let friends know when we saw them or by phone.
It can be a bit tiring explaining everything to everyone. Perhaps you could have a family member or friend be a buffer to share the news on your behalf. You could give them a script with whatever information you have.
Once the inner circle of family and friends were told, I really didn’t care much who found out or how they found out. Whether people heard the news from us or through the grapevine, the people who needed to know knew and that was what mattered most to me.
